My Dr. Mario Online Rx Intervention Part 2
Welcome to part 2 of the heartrending story of my steady decline into Dr. Mario Online Rx addiction. We last left off with a sad defeat on my part, and a rapid decrease in enjoyment and excitement for a game that I decided to give a fair chance. Let us continue, shall we?
I had just about given up. My rating was just above 3001 and just below 3003. I had lost 2000 cool points at the hand of a little girl codenamed:"Linda". What was a young molusk such as myself to do? I wanted to give up. I tried to give up, but something pulled me in. I walked away to the hallway, contemplating what game I would play on the PLAYSTATION PORTABLE, when I found myself dashing back to the recliner and picking up the damn wiimote again. I gave in to the urges and played against another member of the online community. His score was also in the lower 3000's. I thought to myself that I'd probably still get stomped and Dr. Mario Online Rx was a curse set upon me. We engaged in battle and suddenly something happened. Something that would change the course of my existence. I won...
(Not actually me winning, just a picture I found. But pretty much just as good, if not better.)
After that, I continued to win. I fought and battled and feuded and each time, I won. I took my score from a minimal 3000 (at best) to the mid-4000's where I began to compete against stronger opponents. They posed more of a threat, but none could tackle me. As I continued to slay being after being, I encountered a few problems. The problems took me to near defeats until finally little Linda came across my path again. We took a few minutes to stare into eachother's eyes. The skirmish began. I had already decided that this would be settled through a 'Best 2 out of 3 War'. The first game, I won, but only barely. The second, she took victory from my bloody hands after a drawn out phalanx. The tie breaker began. I had the lead for the first minute, bringing myself down to 8 virii left, then she slipped into 7, I brought myself down to 2 and she as well. We both stopped moving our pieces around and locked into a death stare. This was it, whoever made the next few moves perfectly would dominate the other and the world may come to an end. With a flash of light, we darted to place the next piece. I was the victor this move. She took the second only marginally and brought it back to a tie. I attempted to drop a 'Hadouken' through the wiimote and startle her. No effect! I heard some talking behind me, and the sound of a door shutting. No time to think of such things! But alas, it was too late. Linda had won. Once again:
(Graphical representation of what went on at this point in the story.)
I couldn't help but gaze at the screen for a few minutes. The next memory I have is the feeling of a hand touching my shoulder and a voice which too me out of this post-defeat trance. I turned and looked over my shoulder to see my mother, sister and half-cousin twice removed Jr. behind me. I inquired why they were here making me suffer epic failures at the hand of their stupidity. They replied with talks of an intervention. What? Why would I need such... My mind shifted back into the land of Virii and I remembered my defeat. I grabbed the wiimote back up and screamed at Linda through the speaker. Nothing. I grabbed my Nintendo Wii and exclaimed vulgarities into the disc drive. Zilch. I rushed over to my cable modem, bipassing the router and spit blood I shouted so loud. No reaction whatsoever. There was nothing else I could do, I had lost, and no ammount of crude language was going to change that. On the floor now, balled up in the fetal position, I began to twitch and foam up at the mouth. Tears streamed from my eyes. The fams (as I used to call it in the hood) tried to pick me up and I looked up to see the shining face of my mother replaced with that of one of the virii. Jumping back to the corner, I looked at everyone and they all had virii all over them.
What I was going through had I been that guy. Cept with a face more like this (right).
(My half-cousin twice removed Jr. is tall and black.)
My half-cousin twice removed Jr. walked over to try and comfort me. I reached for the wiimote and swung it at a ridiculous speed at his head. crrrRRRRAAAAAaaack! Blood began to pour forth from his cranium. He lay knocked out on the floor as everyone began to step away. I saw my opportunity. The front door was locked but the window was clear. Immediately, I made my escape and ran for it, diving onto the front lawn and taking off into town.
I had a plan, I was going to destroy these virii. Linda had been working with the virii all along, attempting to catch me while unguarded and vulnerable to force me into defeat. They were working for her, they had taken over my family and there was only one thing left I could do...
I needed to get to a pharmacy... and quick.
Stay tuned for the dramatic conclusion to My Dr. Mario Online Rx Intervention. It will be available in the next couple days.